foxnewsofficial: scuba-steve-damn-you: foxnewsofficial: SEND EVERYONE YOU KNOW A MORNING TEXT. WEAR A BOWTIE TODAY. HIGH FIVE STRANGERS. GIVE AWAY LOLLIPOPS. COMPLIMENT PEOPLE. STEAL A CHILD. i’ve already done one of those and now he won’t stop crying and it’s annoying must have been an aggressive high five
textpoops: vampirevvekend: *touches a ball* did i do the sport
0m: You give me a boner not a penis boner but a boner in my heart a heart on, an affection erection
recreationalcannibalism: the-adequate-gatsby: stultifyandstupefy: derpes: And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.” And Abraham replied, “What.” God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster. And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.” To which they responded, “Gay.” And thus, god...
how to pay bills
itsvondell: get bill ?????????? i have to pay the?? money get th money >???? where do i put it
lovelynessdreams: the-fandoms-are-cool: kit-pocket: coelacanthteeth: imagine an entire room and it’s all bed no floor, just bed you roll too far to one side? don’t worry, bed’s still there all is bed AWW THE ROOM COMES WITH A COMFY LOOKING HUG JACKET this is exactly the reason why people think everybody here is on drugs
glitterweave: when you’re trying to enjoy a picnic and theres a bee flying around your head
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
urbancatfitters: i’ve been stressed out since like the third day of second grade
brilliancetheory: partybarackisinthehousetonight: “tell me when,” the waiter says as he starts grating my parmesan cheese on my pasta. i sit there in silence and watch as the restaurant fills with cheese and suffocates everyone Why is this so funny
gromdork: hanksypanky: 100newfears: and then romeo-kun and juliet-chan inevitably committed the seppuku sugoi. what light through the window comes, desu? it is the east, and my waifu is the sun. did my kokoro doki till now? forswear it, sight! for i ne’er saw true kawaii till this night.
peep-toe-shoes: jointhecarrotarmy: silence-insolace: solluxforpresident: karkatforpresident: Someone bumped into my chair and I said sorry. someone bumped into my chair and i punched them in the face someone bumped into my chair and I didn’t even give a fuck someone bumped into my chair and i start a revolution No one bumped into my chair because they weren’t able to...
rnilkbreath: rnilkbreath: rnilkbreath: i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago dont tell my mom my mom says i have to go to bed now which one of u meaners told who the fuck changed ‘fuckers’ to ‘meaners’
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-